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  • Writer's pictureEmily Ainscough

A Sad Pint of Guinness and a Short Walk Home

So, after the summer of all disasters (I've told you guys about one thing that happened, but honestly that was just the tip of the iceberg...summer 2023 shat and shat and just kept on shitting...but I think I managed to smile where I could and danced in the rain); anyway, after that...I figured I might try to go on one date, try and get that guy I'm in love with out of my head and move on to pastures new. Yeah, it was probably too soon, but I figured a wholesome, PG13, casual drink with someone with a nice smile from a dating app who doesn't know about how tragic my life is atm, could be kinda nice.

Well...I was stood up. I got myself dolled up, checked he was still on to meet, he said yeah, and then I arrived and he didn't. He never texted, blocked me on everything, I had one sad pint of Guinness and walked the 5 metres home to my little bungalow. Now I'm in a steaming hot bath eating ice-cream and feeling pretty fucked off to be honest. But it's okay. Maybe this time a year ago I would have found somebody else nearby on a dating app to try and save the evening, but summer 2023 has taught me I'm a lot more emotionally independent than I think I am and a second choice date isn't fair on anybody involved.

And do you know what? I don't think going on dates is necessarily always the best way to get over somebody either. The jury's still out on that one, but I do know that you can't just fast-forward through your feelings. Maybe this is what I've got to do right now, like when I get my chronic FND pain and nothing else helps... I've learnt to just sit with the feelings. Maybe I've got to be kinda, sorta uncomfortably in love until one day I'm kinda, sorta comfortably over it. Maybe the more I try to waft away the shit the further it flies (sorry for that image). Because being stood up says nothing bad about me, actually nothing that's happened to me this summer says anything bad about me. Sometimes dicks on dating apps don't text you to cancel, and sometimes things far, far worse than that happen...and all you can do is finish your pint, go home, and wait for some good luck to come your way again.

As those functionally disabled Kings, Queens and non-binary Royals out there will know, sometimes you can encourage an episode to end by doing your physio, copying movements or using a mirror...and sometimes ya just can't. It's frustrating, but it doesn't mean anything. If you're able to sleep... sleep it off, and if you're not... just feel shit until you don't feel shit. Because that time will come.

Sending big love and all the courage,


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