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  • Writer's pictureEmily Ainscough

Four Down

Updated: Jan 26

You might recall I had a series of dates ahead of me when I was blogging about the start of Autumn. I haven't been able to cram as many in as I'd hoped because I've returned to University remotely (I'll tell you all about this in another post) and my poor body and mind doesn't know what's hit it! So I've been concentrating on looking after Emi, getting lots of rest and trying to make my life as easy as possible given these new challanges. Despite having only dated one of them, I have updates on all four . . . To remind you, the people on the scene back then were Eddie, Ahmet, Alex and Arjun.

We will start with Arjun (the medical scientist), because this one's quite interesting. As you all know I'm not exactly shy about expressing my feelings, and those feelings generally come on pretty strong and pretty fast. (A combination of being very romantic, sickeningly optimistic, quite impulsive and very horny), so these days I'm really having to learn how to pull on the reins a bit and play it cool. Now that I've started to do that, I'm really beginning to appreciate why it's important. Arjun is someone who could have been perfect for me. Incredibly sweet, there's a strong physical attraction and he lives the kind of healthy, slightly slower paced life that I am starting to work towards after my 23 years of absolute chaos! But this time, because I was being more cautious and holding myself back, I was able to recognize that he was coming on really strong, and it was off-putting.

I always thought that I wanted someone to be to me the way I was used to being - that is to say, very forward. But through the example of Arjun, now I see that actually it isn't flattering for someone to want something with you so quickly, actually it's quite the opposite. The way he was towards me was disproportionate to how well he knew me, so his team-keen attitude wasn't really about me at all, it was about him, wanting love so badly he would try to cultivate it himself, and in the process scupper its chances of growing organically. So I let Arjun swim free back into the salty sea of the online dating scene, where hopefully he will swim with other little fishes that teach him about himself and love so that when he finds his sole-mate (I am so proud of that), he is ready for her. Good Luck Arjun!

Alex and Ahmet never really got any traction, me and Alex weren't vibing over text so I politely declined what threatened to be a jolly great waste of time and Ahment. . . well that's a real case of 'what could have been'. If I had more time and fewer symptoms on my hands then it could have been a real rom-com love story as I taught him English and he taught me Turkish and we tried to communicate somewhere in the middle. Finding the language of love and bodies and all that yummy Hollywood stuff. Sexy, mysterious, alluring. But alas, I don't have the time or brain power to learn another language right now so Ahmet, call me in a year if you start to reap the benefits of Duolinguo.

So that leaves Eddie, the long haired climber with the kind eyes. We had an adorable date. We went walking round the lakes with my dog, then to a pub where we drank Guinness and swapped playlists, and then we came back to mine and did some DIY I needed doing (he also nearly burned the house down but I won't dwell on that today). But it wasn't at all romantic. The truth is he looked really horrifyingly like a very close friend of mine, Eoin, with his long ginger hair and his tall, slight frame. He even has the same car as Eoin and same personality traits. It was all just a bit weird. We agreed if he's ever in the area we will grab a pint as mates, but I don't think I could ever actually kiss or have feelings for someone I am pretty convinced is an actual genetic clone of someone I know.

So that's it really, four down. At least I can add four more names to the list of people who aren't the love of my life, which is a great accomplishment. And I know it's a cliche but you really do learn so much from things that aren't right for you, even if you can't work out what you've learned, you don't need to. Your body will remember.

There is one guy I'm talking to at the moment, a Portuguese environmentalist with an incredible mustache (you know that upper lip hair gets me week at the knees...). But I've learnt the lesson now of playing it cool, so for the first time ever really, I'm not even tempted to get ahead of myself. I know I couldn't possibly know what kind of a man he is yet, but I do know one thing - that mustache on that face is the sexiest fucking thing I've seen since Tom Selleck (phwaaaar!)

Over and out friends, my pudendal nerve is burning like a bastard, so my physio mat calls. Oh, and if you haven't already, please follow the blog on facebook and insta, because I'm a Gen-Z and I get off on that shit. Love yourselves deeply this week, and I'll check in with you all next Monday.

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