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  • Writer's pictureEmily Ainscough

Good Vibes Only

Updated: Jul 2, 2022

The difficult thing about putting yourself out there in a blog like this, is that no matter how many positive responses you get, there will always be people out there that don't agree with what you're doing and don't understand why you're doing it. Although this kind of blog shouldn't be controversial, for a lot of people that's exactly what it is.

A few of you have asked me if I'm embarrassed about my parents or future employees reading what I write here. The answer is no. I am incredibly proud that I am able to share myself and my experiences in this way in the hopes of raising awareness in the wider world and in my self. I dare any future employer to have a problem with this blog, because I know in my heart, I am not the problem if they take issue - they are.

It's a little more difficult when it comes to being diplomatic with family. I don't know whether or not my parents read this blog (I don't need to know), but several other members of my family have reached out in concern. The difficult thing, is that I know that worry comes from love. It comes from a profound, albeit misguided, compulsion to protect me. They also bring to the conversation their own traumas of growing up in a society even more hostile towards women than this one is today; and whatever I have suffered at the hands of the patriarchy, they have done so tenfold. For these reasons, I must not be angry at them for not understanding, they have not been as privileged as me, just as I hope the women and disabled people that come after me will be more privileged, be treated with more respect, be marginalized less, traumatized less and conditioned less by the lies we have been told.

I wish I had the energy to sit the people down who take issue with this blog, and quell their concerns. I wish I had the time to teach them what I am lucky to know, and what they deserved to as well but have been cheated of. However, I must put myself first. It is not my responsibility to explain myself, and though I wish I would, the weight of these conversations weighs too heavily on my shoulders. And so all I will say to them now, is this:

I am doing so well. Writing this blog at this time in my life, truly is filling me with such joy and purpose. My heart and soul are shining with doing the right thing for myself and my values. It takes a lot of bravery to do something like this, and the result is something to be celebrated. If you can't come to the conversation beaming with that joy and energy, please do not come at all. But know that I understand, that I forgive you, and that I have never been happier.

Most of the messages I get are of people celebrating with me, and they bring me so much joy, so thank you to those people. If this blog reaches a wider audience one day, as I really hope it will, I am sure I will suffer much greater and more grueling adversity. So, perhaps I should be thankful that these little challenges right now are preparing me for that.

The worst cases of discrimination are from those we love, and from the times it is ingrained within us. To all of you facing that kind of camouflaged discrimination around the Christmas dinner-table, or in the faces of the people at your weddings or even when you look into the mirror... take a deep breath through your nose, close the conversation with kindness if you have not the energy to elucidate, and above all: do not for a second lose sight of that love.

P.S. (We are all doing so well)

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