Trigger Warning: This post contains some serious self-growth.
Most weeks I know what to write about before I start writing it. That's usually because I think I've fallen in love about a thousand times since the last post with randos from dating apps or passerbys in my everyday life. But you join me this week, writing in my bathtub like I normally do, with a whopper three day Halloween hangover (God, I miss the sweet bounce-backs of yesteryear) and I can actually, hand on heart tell you that my head is screwed on. I'm not in love!
If some of my not-so-regular readers are wondering why that's a good thing, let me quickly bring you up to speed. Yes, Emi is looking for love, but Emi also has a pattern of thinking any Tom, Dick or Harry I find attractive is my soul mate, subsequently having mediocre sex after too many sambucas, and then coming to an awkward mutual realization over the next few dates that we aren't who we thought we were, that we aren't that compatible and that the only thing we have in common is a high libido and poor forward-thinking. (I want to add here that there is absolutely nothing wrong with having mediocre shags with people who aren't your soul mate, but for me, right now, that's not what I'm looking for)
So yes, even though this week I'm giving you a debriefing on no debriefing, that's actually amazing news. A lot of really exciting things have been going on in my life outside of the world of love; I've been taking on new challenges that I didn't think were possible since my diagnosis, I've been finding new pain relief strategies that I will share with you soon (!), I'm enjoying watching a lot of cheesy rom-com-christmas films in lieu of successful romantic endeavors (I mean like a lot of them), and I've been so busy writing songs for all my pals and painting my little bungalow that I've hardly had time for swiping! It's like a total detox! I'm resting up so I can rejoin that sexy-sphere of saucy singles with a new joie de vivre and an even better idea of who I am and what I'm looking for.
And as we all know, for a lot of people spooky season is also sexy season (I actually saw someone dressed this year as a 'slutty sausage roll' - I mean fair f***ing play), so the fact that I've gotten through a long weekend of spicy costumes, masks and alcohol without fantasizing about any mysterious strangers at parties, is a serious A* for me. I'm really feeling like the next time I share my body, heart and soul with someone, I want it to be with someone I really know and trust, not just someone I've been optimistically imagining.
So be prepared over the next few weeks for a new side of me! For a slow meander down the stream of the bumble scene, for cute coffee dates and fewer bed-sheet-lates. I think it's time to be a little more 'picky' (and to keep that libido satisfied, a little more 'flicky' too ;)) Next time I fall in love, I want to know that it is specific to that person. That it is rare, unique, wonderful, unprecedented, and not just because I find falling in love easy.
It's a short one this week, and I don't really know if I've actually said anything at all. A lot has been on my mind and I'm incredibly tired. But I really hope all your love lives are satisfying this week, and while team GB has been one girl down from the bedroom gymnastics team, I hope you've been having some world-shaking sex on my behalf too ;)
Stay sexy, and I'll check back in on Monday.