Pumpkin Spiced Lattes and a New Season of Love

Hello Autumn, I've missed you! I've had my first pumpkin spiced latte of the season, bought some new bright blue mittens and a bobble hat, and the cycle path down to the river where I walk Bob is littered with curly red leaves. I've had a rough few weeks both in and out of the dating scene, but like everything does, it is passing, and today I am shaking off the dead leaves of summer and remembering that nothing is forever.

As people who menstruate will already be aware, horrible feelings are much easier tolerated when we can anticipate their arrival and subsequent departure. (PMS, for example, is shitty enough, but it was a lot shittier in my teen years before I understood that the feelings were attributed to the natural cycles of my hormones. Back then I'd be psychoanalyzing myself wondering why that day in particular I found the way Brandon Shorthouse ate a banana made me want to rip his head off; now I still want to rip people's heads off when they piss me off on my period, but I don't need to stress myself out wondering why).

Part of being a human is having series of bad days that seem endless, only to be replaced by series of good days that mirror them. Part of having a long term health condition is going through cycles of it feeling tolerable and intolerable, manageable and not, relatively unnoticeable and then the only fucking thing you can think about.

Similarly, part of dating is sometimes having a string of excruciatingly bad dates! But it's important to remind yourself that it's not necessarily something you're doing wrong. The seasons will change again, and they are. My waning moon is waxing again, the leaves are falling, we are moving on.

So, let me tell you about all the different men I'm loving getting to know this Autumn. We have Eddie, Ahmet, Alex and Arjun! Eddie is a long haired outdoorsy type with a sweet smile and kind eyes, I matched with him a month ago but there was a confusion and I ended up accidentally ignoring him because I thought he was somebody else. Ahmet is adorable, he is so sweet and complimentary (and I am such a sucker for flattery) and he hardly speaks a word of English which forces us to get a little creative and puts real emphasis on listening carefully to each-other, which I love. Alex is a sexy tattooed Liverpudlian and Arjun is a lovely medical scientist who likes cozy nights in reading murder mysteries. They all bring out different sides of me which is really interesting to see.

I'm quite an intense person, I feel things deeply and I live wildly, and though I love that about myself, this time round I want to take things slowly and really appreciate the excitement and nerves of burgeoning connections! Sometimes when I jump into bed with people or rush to get to know people deeply, I miss out on experiencing the joy of starting something new. It's also a lot harder to set boundaries when you rush into things, and that is something I need to learn to be better at. I bloody love Christmas, but sometimes I'm so fixated on the festive countdown that I miss the sweetness of the toffee apples and holding hands in finger-less gloves around a commemorative bonfire for a dead catholic. Well, this year my eyes are wide open, and I'm not rushing anything. Not in love or life or work or mealtimes (I eat pasta so fast I live in a state of constant acid reflux).

I hope you all embrace the seasons and natural cycles of life this week in whatever way comes naturally to you. Maybe listen to the rain or run into piles of leaves and puddles in wellington boots with the wind knotting up your hair. And if you're having a bad day, or a bad week, a bad month or a bad year, sit tight, breathe deeply, sooth yourself, and don't worry, the seasons are changing as we speak.